i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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