I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
