i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
