All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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