Sry I called you an 8
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
