doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
