coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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