I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
