I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
