Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
