I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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