Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
