so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Say something about gay babies.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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