I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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