this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
