He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
