True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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