I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
