I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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