my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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