Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
