Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
