sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
