I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
