I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just high enough for therapy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
