Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
