Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
