whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
