he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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