someone owes me an orgasm
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
