You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Canadian or clown?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito