I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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