Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO