we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
