Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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