I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize