are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
