I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
