I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
