I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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