Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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