foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we're making bets on your personal life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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