Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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