Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
God, I missed his penis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
