Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
