Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize