I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
