I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
