loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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