And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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