I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
