remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
