she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
this is an emotional support booty call
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
