WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
