So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
