if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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