maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize