saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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