I hate your face
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
