I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
