I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
