Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
