You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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