I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I cut my penus on the lid.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
