Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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